Submitted by: gladly-beyond-any-experience
We can’t deny Plato to be one of the most intelligent and influential people of his time, whose “intellectual inheritance” is still to be seen in present day. But while he was very intelligent, he was also deeply loyal to Socrates, so much that he wouldn’t attend the court when Socrates was sentenced to death, and made it his life’s ambition after that to bring down democracy (for a democratically elected court had sentenced Socrates to death) and spread Socrates’ legacy. I do think his inner feeling of entitlement to Socrates and the maintenance of his thoughts paired with his intellect make him cut out to be a true Slytherin.
I normally wouldn’t place every Greek philosopher in Slytherin (Socrates, for example, makes a perfect Gryffindor to me), but most of Aristotle’s work is based upon Plato’s, and as such strives to maintain a legacy towards power. Lots of Aristotle’s theses feature different government system, that each also feature courses in rhetoric - all devices to maintain power over the Greek population in a way. If I may refer to wikipedia for examples of his so called “canonical deductions” - they show Aristotle to be a great logician, and to possess the right amount of cunning for a true Slytherin.
Immanuel Kant is in my opinion the living definition of the word “hard-working”. He would follow his daily routine precisely each day, from the time he woke up to the time he had his tea and took a stroll through the park. According to his philosophical papers, he also believed in acting upon the morals implemented in yourself, which means that he thought everybody unable to be unkind as long as the followed their heart. (This is, of course, a very lose interpretation of his “categorical imperative”, but I don’t want to get into too much detail here^^) That he was seemingly unable to even imagine someone to “simply be mean”, makes him in my eyes a very good Hufflepuff.
From what we know, Marx is supposed to have been the first to discover “socialism” as a from of government. If this were to be true, he at least would have demonstrated great competence in outlining social utopias, but what he was lacking was the sheer will to realise his plans. Marx rather wrote his theses and fathered his housemaids (pardon my vocabulary, but in my opinion having thirteen children from a few different women accounts for being ‘quirky’ enough for Ravenclaw) than stir an actual revolution apart from his publications.
Nietzsche should be the easiest for me, seeing as I attend his old school and we get his ideas and biography practically implemented in our brains, but the first thing that springs to my mind when I think about Nietzsche is how he was always discontent with the world and the people populating it, and even showed a few severe signs of mental illness. Nevertheless, the main idea featured in his publication is probably “God is Dead”, which means that God has died as an idea for each and every one of us and every human being should see to break the circle of the following masses and become his own “leader of morality”. For Nietzsche, this stood in a deep connection with a will to power, which is one of the trademark Slytherin traits. Despite his interest and creativity regarding many fields of study, Nietzsche always got bad marks and would’ve ended as a sorry creature hadn’t some academical friends discovered his potential and made him professor despite him never even finishing his “bachelor studies”, so I can’t see him as a Ravenclaw on my part. The dominant part of Nietzsche really was the never ending will and ambition to achieve something, and then despairing over not getting it. I know this doesn’t account for a proper Slytherin, but as I said - Nietzsche was just special.